


Whirring gears

by Eudore



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Androids, Depression, M/M, android!erwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:41:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4875508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eudore/pseuds/Eudore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A white creature with human features. It was slightly taller than Hange and not as slim as they. Artificial, cold, not alive. Whirring gears in an uncharitable shell.</p>
<p>Just like Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moment #1

Levi’s days were always long, cold, and dark. Time was a malicious beast. Days turned into moments, moments turned into days. He often felt weak and ill, nearly all the time. He felt like dying. He waited for his heart to stop and for his body to become cold and stiff, but it didn’t happen. Life was a ruthless bitch. It took whatever it wanted. It took all he had. And it never gave something back. Or rather way too seldom. It took people he loved, but it gave him Hange.

Levi wasn’t capable of loving somebody anymore, but if he could, he would have loved them. He was born as an only child but since the day he meet Hange he had a sibling. Despite his inability to express his thoughts they knew it.  
He felt numb and empty most of the days. There was sadness sometimes. Occasionally despair. Seldom fear. Most of the time nothing. Just nothing. He wanted to scream from time to time, but his lips stayed silent. Everything stayed silent. Only his heartbeat was inappropriate loud sometimes. 

He was surrounded by darkness and coldness. It creeped through his skin and bones. It sat in his lungs and stomach. It was in his nerves and blood vessels. He wondered sometimes how much would be left of him when darkness and coldness would disappear. 

Nothing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read a few great android AUs and I just wanted to write my own. This little fic is going to be a collection of moments.  
> I'm not a native speaker, please forgive me my mistakes.  
> I want to thank Eaven (http://eaven129.tumblr.com/) for her help and support. Do you like Dragon Age and Mass Effect? Have a look at her beautiful art!  
> Feedback is appreciated.  
> Thank you very much. :)
> 
> check out my tumblr, if you are interested: http://eudore-danae.tumblr.com/


	2. Moment #2

Levi could not remember the last time he stood up for more than using the toilet. Hange visited him every day. They had their own keys.  
“Did you eat something today?”, they asked and petted his hair gently. The last person, who petted his hair like this, was his mother. Her android Moblit put the groceries away.

Levi shook his head. Exhaustion had him in control and he couldn’t even bring himself to hating it. There was just nothing. Hange ruffled his hair.  
“It’s okay. Moblit will cook and we eat together. Right, Moblit?” Hange’s voice was always calm and composed. In another live he would have loved them for this.

Moblit nodded. “What about vegetable stew and chocolate pudding for dessert? Hange says that my pudding is very good.”  
“It is really good.” Hange kept patting his hair. Levi had no appetite but he still nodded. He was already selfish enough, he should at least eat a bit.

He watched Moblit from his place on the sofa. He looked like a human. Dark blond hair, brown eyes, slim. He hadn’t looked like this when Levi had seen him for the first time. Back then, he had looked like all older models. A white creature with human like features and light eyes, beyond any human mistake. His movement was less smooth back then. Since his modification he was a human like smiling being.  
Back then, when Levi had felt better he had sometimes asked himself, if a programmed smile deserved the label “smile”. 

He closed his eyes. He was just so tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Feedback is appreciated. :)


	3. Moment #3

“I don’t want an android.”

Hange helped him out of bed, slowly and gently. He had to shower. His legs felt heavy and ready to shatter, like the rest of his body. He was so tired, even after weeks of sleeping. Worn out, like an old toy, which was left behind.

“Don’t you think some company would be good for you? You are the most time of the day alone and I don’t think that this is good for your health”, Hange said soft. “I am worried.”

He shook his head. He couldn’t even care for himself, how should he for another being, even if it would be only an android?

Hange cleaned the house while he was under the shower. He needed forever to wash himself, because his arms still felt unbelievable heavy. And his eyes didn’t want to stay open. He would have probably passed out without Hange’s rumbling. He closed his eyes and suddenly he felt even worse. Hange worked fulltime and had to take care of an adult infant after work. This was hardly fair. He didn’t want to be a burden; he was just so... so ill. Ill and insufficient. He closed his eyes for a moment.

He dried himself before dressing. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do anything. He was just _so_ tired. He faltered back to his bed and underneath the fresh blanket. Hange followed him. He had never expected the day they had to clean his house. Hange, his messy and untidy angel. There was a great likelihood that he would have already starved without them. A lonely corpse in a dirty house.

“About the android”, he said, feeling that sleep was coming. His eyelids felt heavy. “Does the offer still hold?”

Hange smiled at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.  
> Feedback is appreciated :))


	4. Moment #4

“It’s an older model, but I am sure it’s fine”, Hange said. Levi sat up slowly. “They wanted to throw him away at work, but he’s still a good help, in my opinion.”

A white creature with human features. It was slightly taller than Hange and not as slim as they. Artificial, cold, not alive. Whirring gears in an uncharitable shell.

Just like Levi.

“Good day, Levi.” The android’s voice was calm and unisex. Not too deep for a woman, not to high for a man.

Levi examined it tiredly. He should have said something but his voice seemed to be nonexistent in this moment. He just nodded.

“He knows what he has to do. He will take care of everything and only needs a few hours rest to cool his hardware down”, explained Hange and patted the androids shoulder gently. “You won’t notice him.” They smiled at the android.

“Him?”, croaked Levi with difficulty. He was so wearily. Hange laughed.

“I asked him and he told me that he wants to be a man, right?” They patted the android again. He nodded and his artificial face moved a bit. Maybe a smile?

Levi couldn’t tell and in the end he didn’t care, like so very often in these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.  
> :))


	5. Moment #5

“A name?”, Levi repeated. He was laying face down on his bed and fought the urge to sleep. Only nightmares were waiting for him. Every single one of them took a little piece of him and disappeared into blackness. Not much longer and there was nothing left.

“Owners give their androids names, normally”, the android explained. Levi got used to his brightness. It stopped stinging in his eyes. He continued when Levi stayed silent.“I would like to have a name.” A programmed preference? Probably.

Levi’s head hurt. Everything hurt. The android had not asked for much, only for a place to cool down at night and Levi’s approval for the list Hange had gave him. Cleaning, buying groceries, cooking, taking care of the laundry... It wasn’t an audacious request. Levi tried to concentrate. The android waited patiently.

“Is there a name you like?” The android looked at him. Levi watched the movement of his silver irises. They looked like melted lead. Levi remembered lead-pouring with his mother at New Year’s Eve. He felt suddenly sick.

“I like your name.” His voice was always calm and expressionless and his movement was a bit clunky. He wasn’t like Moblit, but Levi liked him so better. He couldn’t stand the judgement humans –and their copies- normally met him with. A compliment. It would be polite to thank him, but Levi did nothing. He was good at doing nothing.

"And I like the names of Hange and Moblit”, the android continued. He stood perfect still like the nightstand next to him. Maybe he wasn’t more than a piece of Levi’s furniture. Levi closed his eyes.

“I think about it, okay?”

“Thank you very much.”

 

“Do you still want a name?” Levi looked up to the android. He sat on a chair next to his bed while the android changed the sheets. His stomach hurt and he was very cold. Levi didn’t remember whether he ate or not. The android paused for a second. His request was days ago.

“Yes, please”, he answered and proceeded. Levi watched how the light of the evening sun played with the smoothness of his white and shiny skin.

“Your name is Erwin.” The bed was finished and Levi got slowly up and disappeared under his thick blanket. It wasn’t even that cold, but he couldn’t stop shivering.

“Thank you, Levi.” He heard the android’s –Erwin’s- muffled voice and stayed silent. “Thank you so much.”

Levi closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is very appreciated.  
> Thank you very much :)


	6. Moment #6

“You called him Erwin?” Hange sat next to him and cut an apple. Levi ate some pieces for their sake. He just nodded. “Why?”  
A harsh stab, right in the chest. Levi closed his eyes anguishedly. 

Hange understood, like always. “A difficult topic?”

Levi nodded. He heard Erwin in the kitchen. He was a poor eater but his android still cooked three nourishing meals every day. Levi had to admit that Hange had been right. He needed somebody, who took care of him. He still had no appetite but at least he ate regularly. And Erwin’s sounds were somehow soothing.

“Did you think about meeting the therapist I recommended you?”, Hange asked and Levi pressed his lips together. 

“I don’t want to talk about it”, he answered.

“But-”

“I don’t want to.” His words were way too harsh. He was unfair and he knew it.  
Hange sighed and nodded slowly. Disappointment darted over their face. Levi pretended not seeing anything and looked at the ceiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading :)


	7. Moment #7

Levi had a good day. The first one in months. He got out of bed and ate more than a few bits. Erwin watched him eating while cleaning the counter.

“Do you want to go out for a walk?”, Erwin asked suddenly and paused. Levi looked at him in surprise. 

“Why?”

“Hange said exercise and sunshine is healthy”, he answered and continued scrubbing. Levi watched his clunky movement. “I like sunshine.”

“Yes?” Levi stood up and put his plate in the dishwasher. He felt suddenly remorse. He never thought about something like this. “Would you like to go outside more often?” Erwin went shopping once a week. It was the only time he left the house. 

Erwin looked at him and blinked. Redundant, but it made him less artificial. “Yes. How often am I allowed to go outside?”

Levi hesitated. “How often do you want to go outside?”

“I want to go as often outside as you allow me”, he answered after a few seconds. Levi nodded slowly. 

“Everyday?”, suggested Levi and waited. Erwin paused for a moment.

“That sounds very nice. Thank you, Levi.” His voice was calm as normally. “Are you going to accompany me?”

Levi shook his head. He felt his old companion fatigue. He wanted to lie down for a while.   
He didn’t notice the way Erwin watched him going back to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded two parts today, because, why not :D  
> Thank you very much for reading.


	8. Moment #8

“A little jaunt, mh, what to you say?” Hange sat next him on the couch and pushed him gently with their elbow. Levi shook his head and hid his face in his knees. He sat huddled like this for hours. “We could just do a little trip with the car. You don’t have to go out the car. We just drive around for a while.”

They patted the back of his head, but he didn’t react. Hange sighed and stood up. In the corridor, they almost bumped into Erwin, who had stood there for a long time. He looked at Levi’s huddled form.

“Is Levi ill?”, he asked and kept watching him.

“Yes, he is very ill”, answered Hange sad and patted Erwin’s shoulder. His skin was cool and smooth.

“How is his illness called?” Erwin scrutinized them und something in his face moved.

Hange sighed again. “It’s complex, but I guess you can say it in a very simple way: Levi suffers from sadness. Severe sadness.”

They looked at Levi and then at Erwin. Hange smiled sadly. Erwin moved his forehead. The light lines, which were supposed to look like eyebrow, contracted. “I don’t know this diagnosis. Can we help him?”

Hange nodded and patted his back. “We help him, but it takes time and patience. Love and sympathy will help hopefully.”

“Time, patience, love and sympathy”, repeated Erwin. “I understand.”

Hange smiled at him.

 

Levi forced himself to go to bed hours later. Hange had left some minutes ago and he needed sleep. He froze at the door to his bedroom and furrowed his brows. A bouquet of flowers on his nightstand and a card next to it. He took and examined it. There was a colourful swarm of butterflies at the cover. Levi opened it.

_Dear Levi,_

_please get well soon._

_Best wishes,_

_Erwin_

Levi stared at the card and suddenly his eyes burned. He heard a sound and spun around. Erwin was standing next to the door and watched him. Levi cleared his throat and looked away.

“That’s very nice. Thank you”, he said softly. Erwin went to the bed and raised the blanket. Levi crawled into the bed and looked up to him.

“My pleasure”, answered Erwin and left the room. Levi was sure that Erwin didn’t knew what pleasure felt like. He put the card nonetheless under his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	9. Moment #9

When Levi woke up, the house was empty. He went slowly towards the kitchen. He wasn’t hungry, but he had to eat. Levi opened the fridge and sighed silent, when he found the breakfast Erwin had prepared for him: Smoked salmon, fruit salad, fresh orange juice and a sandwich with cheese. Erwin had started to make sure that Levi had all important vitamins and trace elements. Salmon and cheese for vitamin d, orange juice and fruit salad for vitamin c, Salmon for omega-3 fatty acids etc. Erwin gave him a lot of food with vitamin d, because Levi never leaved the house.

It was long ago that somebody took so much care of him. He felt slightly sick, but he still started eating. It was very silent without Erwin. Levi heard normally his clunky steps and sometimes rumbling when he walked against a door frame. Maybe he was in the supermarket or out for a walk. The breakfast was quite delicious and Levi tried to eat at least a bit of everything.

After a while he heard bluster from outside and got slowly up. He walked to the window and peaked through the old curtain. The sunlight was extremely bright and Levi had to close his runny eyes. He needed a while to adjust to the brightness and took a look through his garden.

His garden was years ago an oasis full of flowers in every colour and tiny birds. It was his haven and everyday he had sat outside for hours, reading or drawing while listening to the songs of robins, bluetits, and finches. He had loved his garden. But nothing was left. No flowers, no green, no little birds. Only an empty and naked flat, a sunburned lawn, overgrown flowerbeds and burst flowerpots. Levi had stopped looking out, because of the sad sight.

But something changed. Summer lilac, purple and beautiful. Levi’s glance danced over tiny blossoms and rich green leafs. It outshined the emptiness and sadness of Levi’s former haven. Erwin stood next to it and watered the new implanted bush. His hands were earthy and he had a bit dirt on his cheek. Suddenly he looked at Levi and after a second he started to wave. Levi waved back and then he left the window to go back to his bed.

When he woke up a few hours later, he found a vase full of tiny purple blossoms on his nightstand.


End file.
